thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
