I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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