let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
