i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
