we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
