You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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