you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
