I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
