I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
