he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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