my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
