when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
