Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
