This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
