I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
