You can't motorboat a personality
my sisters under your porch take her home
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
