I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
