piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
