The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
