Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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