I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
