The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
