After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
