I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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