we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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