how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think your dad took our porno
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
