Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
