too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
