it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
