He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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