He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
