Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
