i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
