All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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