susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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