i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
