Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
