As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
