dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
