i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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