Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
