bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
