Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
