Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
