Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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