Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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