I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
