Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
