We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
