NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
MIDGETS
????
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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