just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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