We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You need a sexual gate keeper
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
