He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
