During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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