We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
