I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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