guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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