hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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