just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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