I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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