I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
