Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
