It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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