I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
