These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
