I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
