So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
