Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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