I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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