Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
