Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
