I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
