Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
