I think i peed on brittanys purse
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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