There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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